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So...whatever happened to Track?
Where has Track been? Why is the damned near ubiquitous Track presence on several boards virtually gone? I'm not at all sure I want to answer that question...and yet, here I am (wry smile). But I may owe some people an explanation. So...my life took a real tumble.... Some people from the Hobby reached out a hand, so to speak...I thought...offered to take me to lunch. I was in bad, bad emotional shape. I more than needed that attention then. At lunch I let them know what had happened to me, more than I should in that I revealed confidences I should not have...but I trusted them. After all, they were my friends; they had reached their hands out to me. I had reached out to them, when they needed it...of course, we were friends. Of course, they deserved my trust. Afterwards I needed to keep in touch...not forever, but certainly then, at that time...and I emailed what was happening with me. Not incessantly, not every hour on the hour. Daily. Intended to be for a limited time. And I received the coldest cyber-shoulder the world has seen, one that must be measured in single digit Kelvin degrees...from people I had trusted, to whom I had extended my confidences, and my support during their own respective crises. So cold that only one of them ever answered...the other simply remained totally silent. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I cannot begin to describe what that did to me, at that point, in my depths; and, as you may have gathered, I am seldom at a loss for words. And this, more than anything else (though it's not the only factor), has influenced my staying away from the Hobby community and the boards, including here and e-mails. I felt - feel - incredibly betrayed. If they were unable to extend a little human empathy for more than one lunch, they had no business presenting themselves to me as friends and building my hopes. They were not. They are not. In and of themselves they may well still be worthwhile people. I thought so once, and although I am now not nearly so secure in my judgments, they may well be...just not to me. But I know that to me they are toxic and I need to avoid any contact with them whatsoever. So I avoid such contact; I stay off the boards, off IM, etc.. Track, not so dumb and trusting as had been my wont. My life has been turned upside down...and it's nothing short of a*m*a*z*i*n*g as to what a blessing that turned out to be. I am currently healthy, physically and emotionally. And, mirabile dictu, nothing short of amazing of how little I miss a lot of the Hobby community. Some of you, yes. Some have been very dear to me; some are still dear; even some of you whom I have never met. Others, well.... My God, without the boards I have so much of my life back! I had been in the habit of sending out e-cards on holidays and birthdays. I let that lapse, but sent out cards on Thanksgiving. A surprising number responded positively, and with curiosity over my absence...so I have written this column to explain my transition. I do not intend to say more or be more specific. And that is what has happened to Track. No guarantees as to how often or little I may post in the future.
Updated thoughts
I have learned a lot in the past few months. Or, more precisely, I have learned the same lesson...over...and over...and over. I love and I trust very easily. Some of those I loved and trusted do not love me back. And my trust may have been misplaced. I, blessedly, do have some true friends; some I have met through here, Escortblogs, and other parts of the Hobby. And I have - or had - some not so blessed, not so true, not-friends. In and out of the Hobby. I shall stop vainly trying to be worthy of their love and trust. They need to be worthy of my love and trust. No, not the same Track I was. And yet...and yet, very freely given love and trust are so integral to who I was, can I keep these necessary barriers forever...? I do not know the answer. Track, evolving.
Goodbye
My life is a self-created shambles; why is irrelevant. (No, my wife did not discover the Hobby.) But I must go - I don't know where, how long, whether permanently...? Thanks to all my friends. Grateful thanks to all my lovers. Even grateful thanks to lovers who have since rejected me, for what we did have, when we had it. I mean this. I'm setting this for no comments, so even if so inclined you need not try. Goodbye.
Escorts.com closing
http://www.escorts.com/closing.asp Escorts.com will be closing on May 31, 2011. New daily and weekly VIP memberships will be unavailable starting on May 24, 2011. Any VIP member with time remaining on their VIP membership after May 31 is entitled to a refund of the unused portion of their VIP membership. Refund requests should be sent to support@escorts.com and a refund check will be mailed to you within two weeks of your request. You must provide us with your full name and mailing address if you want a refund check. We thank you for all your support and wish you the best. Escorts.com -Note by Track - considering that Escorts.com was raided by the FBI and the Pennysylvania State Police late last year, I'd not be so eager to supply my name and address for a refund check myself.
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