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Outspoken
I speak from my heart with a mixture of humor & bravado, most love that quality and a few hate it. I can deal with backlash, I'm a big boy, I can take it. I never live in the world of regret but I should exercise control over my words more. As a kid people thought it was cute and I got a pass for a lot of things I expressed, I'm an adult now & my words have consequences. To the person who dealt with the backlash over the original entry I'm sorry. To those I met along the way in this game called life....ONE LOVE. As always Triple L's.... I'm still here
The Missing Car
On this day a few years ago I had a bizarre dream about misplacing my car from high school. It was a gift from my dad for passing my driver's test. One of the many strange occurrences in that dream was A) I had already graduated H.S and a few weeks from completing my undergrad. B) New York was a ghost town except for the same five identical people waiting at the bus stop on every three blocks. C) The city was eerily quiet similar to the noise level of a library. The time period was very confusing in that dream, I was in H.S, but I sensed the time period was off. How I lost my car is still a mystery to me but I spent most of the dream trying to locate the car. I felt frustrated and scared especially telling my dad that the car I begged three months to get is lost. Hours began to go by then I began to wonder how much longer to search before I make the dreaded call to my parents. The search felt like days but my aunt told me to keep looking, she was waiting for the bus. People are usually around me or a phone call away, but this time I was alone. I was so tired from my search so I sat on a bench and my cousin sat next to me to break my balls for crying in frustration. He motivated me to continue on my journey in his usual no nonsense manner. More time went by and I was ready to stop the search and my aunt and my niece begged me to continue, my aunt screamed don't you dare give up your search. The next corner I found my car intact and the sudden rush of panic and confusion came over me in droves. From what I am told, my dad calmed me down by informing me I'm in the hospital and to relax. I'm pretty sure I left out a lot from that dream but my search is what I remembered the most. I don't know if all comas are one long reel of dreams pertaining to "searching" along with fighting to be awake but this is what occurred from my experience. On these anniversaries I usually don't dwell on the past but enjoy life, but today I'm feeling reflective. Since my wife has been mum, more than likely my family is doing some celebration for my "rebirth". I have to thank my "tour guides" without them I would have given up the fight. I am glad I survived, not so much for me but for my family, some families can endure certain tragedies but there are some traumas that freeze people in time like the walking dead. My aunt died from breast cancer when I was five years old. My niece died from a heart defect when she was eight. My cousin disappeared when I was fifteen; his remains were discovered two years ago. Life can be joyous and depressing but you have to live it to the fullest since it can end with a blink of an eye. I refuse to let that moment in time to define me and I have done a lot since then, but hopefully I have more time to do more. I say the things people wish they could say, it not me being cool or brave, I know life is short and I have zero tolerance for bullshit. I have a love me or hate me approach this is me, no regrets. Even with everything I've gone through I still smile & laugh, sometimes I don't know if I'm crazy or is it that I refuse to let life & tragedy break my spirit. It came to me to share that dream with my father the other day and since he conducts himself as a man's man he broke down he always wondered what was happening to me in those three days but didn't want to ask. I'm glad I gave him closure on that chapter of my life. O.K I have rambled long enough, I cleared my schedule today, and pretty curious to see what surprises I have waiting for me. This Giggle Bunny is still here, I guess someone up there really does like me. :)
Cold Feet
Taking an inventory of risk assessments and I can't help but think what in the world was I thinking on some of my past decisions. Not sure if my perspectives have changed or is it maturity but as a gambling man, the stakes are too high. I have built a solid reputation and with this possible cancellation, I am trashing everything. If I could wire the money I would, I hate to say it but I don't have the stomach for this anymore, I have too much to lose if the tides turn. Undecided........
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