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Time Management
If only there were more hours in a 24 hour day for me. When my character flaws show their ugliness, I flash my dimples & all is forgiven. That's been the routine of my life, as much as I wish for sustainable moment of change instead of the ones that last for shorter periods, I just can't help myself sometimes. I'm not a blaming type person, but I'm amazed sometimes at the dysfunction of those that enable my behavior. I wonder, what reward are they getting, when they cater to me? Witnessing the people pleasing/ servitude in high gear is almost disgusting but not enough for me to stop it. For moments like this I wish I was still in contact with my friend who called me on my shit. She would sarcastically but honestly say "hey Mr. Charmer you aren't all that, your power don't work on me & you aren't THAT nice". In reality, the world isn't my oyster but when you surround yourself with those selflessly willing to help, it hard not to believe your own hype. Even with downsizing the enablers around me in my current moment of change, new & untested people are willing to fill the void. Today, I genuinely feel horrible about my selfish behavior & that person is too good to play the lead role when I become "too much". I have some great qualities but I also have bad ones that tarnish the good. They deserve so much better than me. If I told them I'm no good & I think they should find someone else, I know they won't leave. I guess this is the bad part of reverse psychology.
If Today’s Events Were A Boxing Match…..
I would seriously be TKO'd. As I like to say to others sometimes, "don't walk into the punches". I haven't had a full real work week & already I'm thinking "how much longer" & can the weekend get here any sooner. I already doubt myself & I have come to the realization I'm not management material not b/c of qualifications but I can't suppress the urge of wanting to strangle or punch a couple of stupid people. On paper you would think the total opposite; I think it's that lost & confused demeanor that makes me feel like I'm going to be on a business call to my lawyers in the very near future again. Sometimes, I think I would be a very interesting subject for the nurture vs. nature debate. I think I can tolerate a little bit of this nonsense if I can openly give the dead eyed look while I say "are you kidding me". Then from what I hear, that look is pure intimidation, I'm not trying to invoke fear but I want a deterrent from stupidity I'm not a raging type person, but if my buttons are pushed, then I can't really stop myself sometimes. Why won't people let me be nice all the time, huh? Since we are society of PC, I can't say what I really want to say to those people. People that live a life of leisure I give them some ribbing for being out of touch & missing out on the "joys" of the workplace interaction & having a sense of improving society. After today, I'm one step closer to embracing a life I said I never want to live. Since I'm a person of objectivity, I have to honestly say to myself, I'm already there, who am I kidding. Stress like this causes me to hobby like crazy, especially when I had to deal with the last bunch of motley crews. At least they knew internally they weren't the best in their field, but they made coming to work very entertaining. Since I'm an island of one at the moment, leisure anything doesn't appeal to me at this moment. Now is not the time to appear unaffected.
The Forgettable Unforgettable
Everyone forgets who they share their most deep darkest secrets too - Right. If I was truly forgotten, then some people should really curb their mouth. Honestly I don't care, but my ego is saying a different tune. LOL Ahhh the joys of human behavior.
Moxie
The election is finally over, but I can't help but admire the sheer determination of one of my elderly neighbors since they still have Obama campaign signs posted in their front yard. Granted, NY is blue but my area was very polka dot red during the whole run. They posted the signs before the primary election which the community took notice. When the general election finally came around, two other homes showed their Obama support until it was a mini situation regarding stolen Obama signs. McCain signs came in full force & finally the elderly couple posted their replacement signs. The election is over; everyone's signs are down except for this couple. Part of me wants to ask, how long are you going to keep the signs posted? It reminds me of Christmas decorations & it's already in the middle of January LOL. I'm not sure which one, but I believe it is the wife who was a survivor of Auschwitz. I guess the pressures from this heated election are only a drop in the bucket compared to what they have been through. 
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